True Repentance

So school started a few weeks ago.  Our oldest is a first grader and so while I am relatively inexperienced in the broad scheme of things, I think it is safe to say that at least in our household back to school adjustment is TOUGH!  

Last week was week 3...I think.  That really doesn't matter because the point is that last week was ROUGH.

There was crying, yelling, defying, more crying...and all of this led to...TIME FOR BED!

As peacefully and firmly as I could muster I put the hot mess of a six year old to bed and prayed that she would get some rest.  I was in the process of getting her younger sister into the bathtub and moving toward bed when the previously consigned to bed child insists that there is something in the living room that I need to see.

I send her back to bed and eventually make it into the living room to see 

"I Luv You" and I Sare sare sare sare sare sare sare... written all over the marker board.  

Little did I know that at that moment my battle with said child had only just begun.  You see I had put her to bed before her beloved reading time and she was determined to get it back.  In that moment, her very thorough apology was really just all about getting out of trouble and getting her reading time back.  

Knowing that it would lead to further meltdowns I acknowledged her apology, affirmed my love, and sent her back to bed.

After several more rounds of whack a mole later her attitude had changed.  Rather than just talking about getting privileges back she was talking about working together to help her change her behavior.  She said, Mommy I want to do something to help me.  Promising her we would talk about it the next day, she finally fell asleep.

And I can honestly say that while our difficult moments haven't completely disappeared we have been working together to stop them before they escalate.

You see the point is that true repentance leads to a change of heart, a change of attitude, and ultimately a change of behavior, it is not just about getting something.

Repenting of our sins is more than just an apology to God.  It is a deep grief and sadness over our sin and a commitment to let God walk alongside us to do better next time.  

I pray that I have the strength and courage to face my sin and to truly repent and then the humility to ask for help from God to change each and every time it is necessary.  And while I am not grateful for a long night of difficult behavior, I am grateful that my daughter is learning something as important as repentance at a young age.