A Double Standard?

There are certain things, lots really, that are okay for me as the parent to do, that are not okay for Kate, the child to do.  For one, it is okay for me to tell Kate "No."  It is not okay for Kate to tell me, "No."  It is okay for me to open the make-up drawer (however rarely) in the bathroom.  It is not okay for Kate.  It is okay under the appropriate circumstances to remove something from Kate's hands - like the scissors she found the other day.  It is not okay for her to take something out of my hands or another child's.

A double standard exists in parenting.

You see, as an adult I have more freedoms than Kate does as a child because I have more knowledge than she does.  My freedoms came as I grew up, matured, and gained responsibility and wisdom.  You do not want to give anyone more freedom than what their current maturity level can handle.

As a parent of very young children this may seem obvious.  It is natural to set appropriate boundaries and limits that keep our young children safe and teach them respect.  As they grow older, it can become more difficult.  I have had the opportunity to parent older children as well as younger.  Situations where there was a double standard were often difficult for me to enforce because I didn't understand the concept above: freedom comes with responsibility and maturity.

Why do I bring this topic to this blog?  Because it helped me to understand God in a new way.  People often question why it is okay for God to order many people to be killed as he did in the Old Testament of the Bible, or why God can give us rules and expectations to follow.  While I do not claim to be any sort of learned or trained theologian, I believe one answer is because the relationship between us and God is like that between parent and child.

God has more knowledge than I do.  He is the author of Truth.  He is the creator of the world and everything in it.  He is the giver of wisdom.  He is All-knowing and All-powerful.  This means that he has way more freedom than I do.

Kate has to learn to trust me and the wisdom that I have to make decisions for her until she is old enough to make more decisions on her own behalf.  I have to learn to trust God and his wisdom to make decisions for me and for this world, even that I don't understand, because he is God.

In the end, I don't believe it is a double standard.  I believe that it is wisdom...God's design.

Filling up on Junk

I recently noticed that I was starting to develop some bad habits when it came to Kate snacking.  She had learned how to ask for food in a way that I understood - banging on her high chair and saying please - and so I obliged assuming she was hungry.  I quickly wised up to the fact that while maybe she was a little hungry she really just wanted something to eat and could easily be distracted and made to wait until the next meal.  This was important because I noticed that if she snacked, then she'd eat a small meal, and then she'd need another snack and then eat another small meal.  A vicious cycle.  Yes, some would advocate for this smaller portion size, more frequent meal routine, but in this case the snacks weren't always the healthiest options for Kate and were probably better left out of the routine.  When we don't have snacks during the day, Kate eats more of the vegetables and healthier variety of foods that are given at meal time than she otherwise would.

God used this mothering experience to teach me about my own snacking habits...and I'm not talking about food.  Suppose building a relationship with God is "meals" and other things in life that tend to eat up our time, attention, thoughts, etc. are "snacks."  Those things can be anything from work, to television and media, to hobbies, to books, and so on.  Not necessarily bad things, but things that lack substance and the life giving nutrition that we can only get from God; things that can get in the way of our relationship with God if we eat too much of it.  When we fill up our lives with snacks, then we have less room for meals.  

Our lives can get filled up in a couple of different ways.  Time - the obvious answer.  Thoughts - the snacks in our life can consume our thought life and make it more difficult to focus on God and to be aware of the work that He is doing around us.  Finally, we can get a false sense of being full.  If we seek our happiness, comfort, peace, security, etc from snacks and it temporarily satisfies then we are never forced to go to God - the true source of peace, joy, love, acceptance, and salvation.

As I mentioned, snacks tend to be less healthy, at least in my house anyway.  But they can taste better than the veggies served for dinner.  It takes a lot of self-control, sacrifice, and discipline to say no to the snack and yes to the green beans.  Those things that get in the way of our relationship with God are often attractive, fun, enjoyable, relaxing and it takes some serious discipline to forego those activities.  As any successful dieter can tell you, the sacrificial discipline is what brings results.

Stop filling up on junk and enjoy a healthy meal with your Father today.