I have a confession (aside from the obvious fact that it's been two months since I posted anything on here...wow)...I believed in a lie.
What is this lie I speak of? It goes something like this. If I do everything "right" as a parent, then my daughter will do everything "right" as a child.
To be honest, from my current vantage point, just writing that statement down is a little funny because I see how full of lies it really is.
#1 - There is not always a "right" way to parent. Sometimes the answer is just not that easy. In the midst of a temper tantrum (that you're really not even sure why it started in the first place), sometimes you just cannot gracefully get out of it. One day, Kate got upset for some reason and was crying in her room. I left her there and tried a couple times to go in and talk to her. Each time she responded by saying no, and pushing me out of the room. So, I decided if she wanted me out of the room I would sit in the room with her while she tantrumed. The tantrum never really ended; I distracted her with something and we moved on and later talked about the issue. My point is that when two year old emotion is so raw, sure there are several WRONG things to do, but not necessarily a RIGHT thing.
#2 - What worked once isn't necessarily going to work again. Sometimes it works to give Kate a choice. Clean up your toys with me or I am going to take them away. Sometimes given the same choice, Kate makes it clear that she wants to make the wrong choice. "Take it away," is what she says to me. (Of course I do, but somehow I feel like it is less of a victory :).)
#3 - Kate can no more be a perfect child than I can be a perfect parent. She after all, like me is human...a young human who has a lot of learning to do at that. I have a responsibility to teach her and guide her and help her develop character, but I cannot expect myself to be perfect at that nor her to respond perfectly every time.
What was the result of me believing in the lie?
The result was me wanting to tear my hair out all of the time. My expectations for myself were unrealistic and I felt like a failure.
If you are a parent, please do me a favor, and give yourself some grace. I am learning, day by day, to do so for myself and for my daughter.
