She Makes Me Better

I grew up with the incredible blessing of having horses in my back yard and the opportunity to ride from a very young age. The first horse I can really remember riding is Bingo. She was an older horse and we nicknamed her "the babysitter." She taught us all how to ride and she kept us all safe. If you were riding and started to slip off she would stop. She also made you do what you were supposed to do or she wouldn't do what she was supposed to do. In addition to that, her gaits were so rough that if you could learn to sit in the saddle as she was bouncing you around the arena then you were doing well.

I graduated from babysitter Bingo to Dangerous Dandy after several years. Where Bingo was safe, Dandy was wildly unpredictable. Where Bingo was old and wise Dandy was young, smart, and athletic. Where Bingo made you do everything right he made you do it right and work for it. If you were leading him and got out in front and were pulling him he would stop. But if you stood at his shoulder and walked alongside him, he mostly would plod along willingly with you. If you were trotting at an upbeat Huntseat pace he would make you kick, nudge, cluck, urge, and pray with every step to keep him moving. If you were perfectly lined up at a jump he would go over it unless there was a cow at the other end of the arena, or a shadow, or an imagined cow, or he just didn't feel like it.

In very different ways theses horses made me a better rider and taught me a lot of other things as well. And God provided these horses in the perfect order to teach me in the right order, to insure I didn't quit riding or lose my life. ;)

Fast forward several years and I have transitioned from horses to kids. Our first, Kate is much more like Dandy. Prior to her birth I had believed that if I did everything a certain way then my kids would be perfectly behaved, totally obedient, etc.  I was quick to judge other parents on the behavior of their kids.

But from a very young age Kate has totally blown this theory to pieces.  She is much like Dandy, making me work extremely hard for every step.

But my point in writing is not to lament my challenges with Kate.  Rather to give glory to God for the personal growth and Godly dependence that comes out of this.

As Kate gets older, and I continue to have to work hard for every small and big accomplishment in our day - like getting out of bed or getting dressed - to every character trait developed - like patience - I realize that God is teaching me every step of the way through.

She makes me better because she makes me look inside myself to address my own sin. She makes me better because she makes me dependent on God for more grace, more patience, more creativity, and more endurance that what I have on my own.

Here are some of the things that God (and Kate) have taught me:

1) We are all sinners.  I need grace.  Kate needs grace.  We need to give each other grace.  Recently I finished reading a book called Grace Based Parenting that helped me to realize this truth and helped me to realize that how I respond to Kate's challenges has a big impact on her and how she will see herself now and in the future.  I don't want to be surprised, to shame or embarrass her, or to condemn her for her mistakes.  I want to love her, forgive her, and teach her to go to God to help her learn through them.

2) Which leads me to my second - I need to be very very careful about my words.  I have the power with my words to tear down her spirit, make her self-conscious about herself and her behavior, or to lift her up, encourage her, and teach her.  In my own weakness and frustration, it is easy to get focused on the many challenges and share them with others more than I should.  Imagine what this does to her to hear.

3) Keep myself in check.  When I start to get frustrated and impatient, you can hear it in my words and voice.  When Kate hears it, she comes back at me with the same intensity and is less likely to obey, just like Dandy.  She makes me better.  She makes me do it right.  Of course this doesn't mean that she always does obey or behave, but at least I can walk away from the situation knowing that I demonstrated and modeled the type of attitude and behavior I am expecting of her.  And when I blow it, I apologize.

4) Don't give up or get discouraged.  I have noticed from a very young age that Kate has cycles of behavior.  She will have a couple weeks where we have lots of fits, crying, disobeying, etc. Then all of a sudden you wake up one day, take a deep breath and ask her to put on a pair of pants under her dress and she says, "Ok Mom."  After you've recovered from the shock, you realize that the lessons you are teaching during those difficult weeks are sinking in, and when whatever causes those cycles to pass, they are there and the fruit is evident.  It is tempting during those weeks to feel like you are doing nothing more than beating your head against a wall, but I must continue to be dedicated to the practices that I believe in, to teach appropriate behavior, and to discipline inappropriate behavior - no matter how much backlash I receive.


Much like Babysitter Bingo and Dangerous Dandy made me a better horseman, Kate makes me a better person, mom, and follower of Christ.  For that I am grateful.



(Side Note - I am sitting here, unwilling to pus the Publish button because I am so uncomfortable with throwing out what feels to me like a very negative post towards my beloved daughter.  So, lest anyone walk away thinking that the only thing about her worth noting is her strong-will, let me enlighten you with the many things of Kate that are just plain awesome.

She is kind and compassionate, quick to stick by someone who is hurt.  She thinks about others and their needs.  She has an imagination that could take her to the moon and back.  She can play for hours all by herself - and never stop talking during that time once! She is smart, observant, intuitive, and so so curious.

She loves helping and she is a leader.  She is cautious, but also willing to try something new and is so proud of herself when she has overcome a fear. She brings delight to those around her with her grown up antics. She knows how to behave and is polite to others.  She is amazing.)